He waited

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He watched as I loved another

Smiled through a hurting heart when I laughed with him

Always there when I had my heart broken

He introduced us and said we would be happy together

My best friend that I told everything to

Advice when I needed it

Yet his heart had chosen to discretely love me too

There he stood from afar

Watching us

Unblinking teary eyes

A quiet resolve to forget

To let me be with that other man

Saying he was happy for us

Hiding the emotions he could not tell anyone

The thoughts that he kept hidden in his heart

I knew

I did not want to know

I knew he was hurting yet I could not admit

I had loved another first

When I cried he made me laugh and forget

Now he is gone

Still he waits for me

 

My desert song

Embrace me my beloved for I panic when in isolation

Dry desert winds scorch away at my shriveled up heart

Sand has grazed my tender toes that curl to stop the burning

The cactus have pricked my most treasured emotions

I can sense a desert storm forthcoming

Nowhere to escape the sudden death of your memories

My lips have cracked for lack of yours that moistened them

Trembling under this unknown icy chill

Almost bleeding for lack of warm attention from your touch

My chest is caving in to try and send away the haunting ghosts

That is your memory within my soul

My arms have been weakened refusing to hold close another

You are the only safety my heart knew

All I have now

Is this photograph that is the only reminder of your existence

My feet refuse to move away from this place we called home

Knees knocking against each other simply because they can

I am a shadow of myself in the midst of cruelty

Before you I was seeping from the cup of never falling in love

I melted in disdain without your intensifying aphrodisiac words

I crave your presence that kept me sensible and unruffled

It is a sudden wasteland… my heart, my mind, my body, my soul

The last song with keys that have refused to play loud

Keeps replaying in my worn-out consciousness

You need to be back before winter steals away my cold skin

I can only explain it this way, that

You have left a barren region where fertility was

I have become a shell, empty within because I need you so much

Battle fields that have been abandoned is what my world has become

Only falling again when I try to climb up

Out of this misery that has become a daily dose of tranquilizer

I swallowed my pride to surrender to your snuggly arms

I want not to surrender to this throbbing in my chest

All I want is to be alright without your suggestively armored kiss

Temperately I take every impossible footstep towards being alright

This desert will not break my resolve of becoming whole

As terrifying as walking blindly without you

Or the torture of sleeping alone may seem

I have won the war of the fear of losing this love eternally

I have been a broken hearted soul for far too long

I will erase it all

At the end of it all, your heart, soul, flesh will no longer be in mine

I have been rained on

The pelting of the rain startled me from my daydream

It was him I had been thinking of

There was a joy I had found and closely kept in my heart

Closing my eyes I could still feel his lips on mine

The kiss insurmountable

A legend even

It was the way he held me close to his heart that wanted mine

Fingers entwined as if to chase away the cold

Love simmered and the ripples felt in my toes

My inner sanctum told of the warmth I sensed next to him

Turtle doves watched us as we embraced and sang

All I wanted to feel was not a tragedy of the heart

But a song with a conspicuous melody rhyme

I wanted to love so much

That was what he gave me without asking why

I stood on my feet again and saw his dark pupils dilate

A soft slither on his neck

A cuddle on my jaw line

The moment lasted forever until my heart stopped

Because his kiss was enough

Our rendezvous had been cut short

I look down at my dripping clothes and smile to myself

I have been rained on

Yet I minded not as I had seen the one I love at twenty-three

I am only the piano player

I play late into the night alone yet still feeling you

Telling myself I have not left you unaided or lost

I had a chance to love you

Yet my fingers would not let go of the piano

Seeping tunes of wordless music because you are not there

I refuse to let go of the moments that made sense in me

My life so divided and sometimes unnecessarily chaotic

My only excuse for not being there…

I am only the piano player

I am doing just fine getting over this heartache

Wanted to love you like nobody else could love

I set myself on this journey that made me need you so much

Up till now I cannot let the grandness of piano playing be

I chose a piece of instrument with no heart or flesh

With no arms to hold me in the middle of a cold night

A piece of wood that cannot give me sweet words or affection

My only comfort is that I loved you on this piano

It knows our deepest darkest secrets that we dare tell no one

Even the moon shied away knowing ours was an eternal magnetism

Words need not be said when my fingers stopped playing the piano

To be intertwined into yours curled into portions of suppleness

It’s the end of the road for my earth song

Tunes of music played by you fade away because

I am only the piano player

A promise not kept

I know I said it before that I will not fall in love

This easily

Now it seems I am backtracking on that promise

You

You have made me to break every single wall I put around my heart

Every glass door you have broken into pieces, millions of pieces

No glue can stack them back

You have melted the very soul of my selfishness

Brevity has gone from me, disappeared completely

Gone into the dust of the air, dew of the morning

Scarlet red regrets

Navy blue tear stains

Wishful Burgundy thoughts

Burnt orange dreams

Lime green sorrows

Fuchsia fabrics of cries

Golden loneliness of evenings

Mahogany breaths

Keeping you visible

I have fallen in love again; I know my heart says so

Dreaming of you at night not compensation for missing your kind words

I see you

I know you 

I have loved you

A simple algorithm classified in Aristotle’s theories

Learning to know you I have done so, wont you return my love?

You untie the knots in my heart each time I look at your face

Your eyes draw me towards you

Your gazes tell me I lied about never loving again

I know you are the one God kept for me, the one I have been waiting for

A sense of calm and peace hovers around my being

I know I am yours

Maybe not now or tomorrow but love has no time

Forever is one day, one day is forever

Keep me in your heart until the vows are said

Another has your heart, mine is still waiting

I saw you again

Not an iota of emotion towards you has reduced

I still see you watching

Turning away so my eyes won’t refuse to let go

Because I want to stay in them

I do not want to keep running from feeling again

My spirit is clouded yet I know to be so clear

Rains have come, gone, seasons do not make sense

Is the chase better than the prize?

I realize I did not lie when I said I would not fall in love this easily

You have simplified it yet it feels so complicated

You have been on my mind; I know you don’t know my name

But as the wind is whispering in your ear

I stand and watch you smell the roses

As the garden of beauty demystifies every known formula

You have since found a place in my heart

A precious jewel, almost a miracle…yet my only miracle

The one I waited for, proving to be worth it

Legendary songs emitted from all kinds of guitars

Will be serenading the backdrop of a wonderful silhouette night sky

Taking myself back while the owls hoot into the night

To a promise that I made yet unable to keep